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When I was 24 years old, I was in a relationship with someone who exhibited controlling behavior. I dated him for nine months without ever seeing this side of him, but once he told me he loved me, everything changed. He became obsessive, jealous and violent. While he never laid a hand on me, he did break his arm one time from punching his car. Like many women of abusers, I covered up for him when my friends and family inquired about it. My friends knew something was wrong, but I was somewhat in denial. Even though I owned my skin care business and considered myself a strong, smart young woman, I was blindsided and didn’t fully grasp the severity of the behavior. It was difficult to accept because it never truly got out of hand, but when I finally removed myself from the relationship, I was devastated with myself for allowing someone to treat me this way… As part of my own healing process, I decided to use my skills to help other women who have been abused. I became actively involved with the YWCA and volunteered to go to ‘safe’ homes, a shelter where battered women could get respite, to give facial treatments. Many times the women were new arrivals, as evident by their swollen, black eyes and cut up faces. It’s hard to imagine that this could happen, but it happens every day, all over the world. I remember one woman vividly. She was scheduled for a facial, and when I first put my hands on her face to wash it, she literally jumped. She was so used to being beaten with hands of anger that my gentle and loving hands frightened her. For these women, learning to trust touch again was an obstacle—and that’s where I could be of value. My hands were helping to heal these women, improve their skin and repair their self-esteem in the process. What I know for sure is that beauty is more than skin deep. Skin care isn’t simply about vanity and looking better. Something as simple as washing your face and applying cream is a way of saying to yourself that you’re important enough to look and feel your best. When you care for your skin, you’re caring for yourself. And when you look better and like what you see when you look in the mirror, you’ll feel better. As women, we’re so busy taking care of everyone else that we often forget about caring for ourselves. For those of you who are mothers, aunts, sisters or friends, I encourage you to be an example to young girls and teach them the importance of self-care. It will build their self-worth and will go farther than you’ll ever know. To this day, I continue to remain active with domestic violence shelters. In Dallas, I am a supporter of The Family Place where they do amazing work in our community to get women out of their bad situations and on the path to a stronger self. Do you have unused skin care products? Read why women’s shelters would love to accept your beauty products. Read: Why I Love Being an Esthetician—by Skin Care Expert, Renée Rouleau 
  PERMISSION TO REPRINT: You may use any items from this article in your print, blog, magazine or electronic newsletter. But in order to do so, you must include the following paragraph including a link to www.ReneeRouleau.com. Information courtesy of www.ReneeRouleau.com, a website with skin care tips, products based on nine skin types and advice from skin care expert and celebrity esthetician, Renée Rouleau.
Posted October 26, 2010 by Renée Rouleau
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Hi, Renee.
Thank you for sharing your story. Doing so is very courageous.
Posted on Tue, 26th Oct 2010 7:52 pm by Marcy
Renee , I am a woman who fled a 21-year domestic violent marriage and have been free for 6 months now. Thank you for bringing awareness of Domestic Violence on a blog that deals mainly with beauty. Courage is beautiful and those who help those most vulnerable in our society are my heroes.
I raised my 2 kids , staying the last 10 for them. As is common , he was a decent father and saved his cruelty for me. Now that they are living their own lives , I am free to start again. I never told a soul , nor did I tell my children until my first night in hiding. Their devastation is complete….
I can relate to the woman who jumped when you first touched her. I am scared all the time , and every day make the decision to rise again and in time , these broken wings will fly again.
I am 40 years old and though I do look younger than my age(a trait among the women in my family) , my experience has also aged me. I eat and live organically as much as possible. I make my own cleaners and garden(my potager)organically as well. I truly believe that what we eat and expose ourselves to , ages us.
It is so hard for me to feel beautiful right now. I like myself , but damage has been done down into the very depths of my soul. Even though I am free and feel much joy and gratitude , the truth is , I cannot imagine why any man would want me or think I am beautiful. I married when I was 18 , and he was my only “one”…..I am not actively looking for a relationship , mind you. I covet my new found personal space and privacy. I need time to heal. I have my own passions and pursuits , so do not feel incomplete , alone. But , when I think about 4-5 years down the road , who is going to want me?? How would I know?? I don’t even know how to kiss!
I am ruined financially(another tactic of abusers) , though I am debt-free. I used to be able to afford the salon visits , perfume , clothes , etc…I got my first $15 haircut in about 15 years. But , I continue to eat as healthy as possible , take vitamins , garden , use yogurt and a few other things to keep some semblence of a beauty routine. I have dropped several dress sizes in the last 2 months and have not the money to replace my clothes , so I am afraid , I look frumpy…thank goodness I am almost too old to care and am rich in the sense That I am free and can breathe freely!
Those of us who have had the courage to start over , must remember the beauty of courage and gentleness. It takes COURAGE to be a real woman. To not become embittered and angry , cold , or man-haters. The beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit , of gentleness and humble dignity , refusing to let go our femininity…refusing to gossip and remain shallow….to bring joy to others , even when you are sad , to give back in gratitude to all who have helped you , to give to those who will never be able to pay back your kindness…THESE things are also beauty traits , because beauty is truly more than skin deep…Thank you for all you do…Sara Elizabeth
Posted on Sat, 30th Oct 2010 4:39 am by Sara Elizabeth
Thank you for sharing your story Sara, keep up your courage!
Posted on Mon, 1st Nov 2010 6:02 am by Renée Rouleau